Of Moons
by Cee-face
Summary: In which the full moon isn't exactly what Junpei needs to be worrying about this time. -Persona 3, crack, de-anoned from the P3 kink meme.-


When he first moved into the SEES dorm, he saw absolutely nothing wrong with it being co-ed. In fact, Junpei quite appreciated the fact he could live in the presence of a number of fairly attractive female candidates. He was pretty damn sure he'd never get the chance to touch, but he could look all he wanted, and that was half the fun.

But around September, things stopped being all fun and games.

It started with his visit to Fuuka's room. Which, in all fairness, wasn't so much a visit to her room as a visit to the section of hallway in front of her door. He still had no damn clue what it was that plagued the computer in the control room, and after about an hour of frustrated dancing on eggshells with the device, had decided to consult their resident technophile.

He expected to hear that soft velvet voice of hers announce that she was coming, just a minute, and for her to shortly thereafter open the door.

Well, there's a very distinct line between what you expect and what you get.

"L-Leave me alone."

He was sort of glad the door was closed, because then she couldn't see his undoubtedly stupid-looking facial expression as he balked. "-uh, sorry?"

But she didn't answer, and Junpei swore he heard the sounds of furious typing and uncharacteristically heavy crying, for someone as soft-looking and gentle-acting as Fuuka. But the sound of swearing and 'cover me, you little prison-bitch Priest' was something he'd go to the grave thinking he imagined.

He started his puzzled descent down the stairs after being so roughly dismissed, wondering what happened to make the timid blunette so distraught. Rounding the corner of the stairwell on the second floor, the junior almost barreled into Akihiko, who seemed all too eager to continue on his way down the stairs like the building was on fire.

"Uh, Akihiko-senpai?" started Junpei, and Akihiko irately spun from his position on the stairs near the bottom.

"_What?_" he questioned insistently.

"What's the matter? You look like you're trying to avoid a Shadow," remarked the younger teen.

The look on Akihiko's face said, quite plainly, that he didn't have time for this. "I'm going out. If Mitsuru asks where I am, tell her you haven't seen me all day." With that curt answer, he briskly turned back and descended the rest of the stairs, the slamming of the front door following after mere moments later.

The cap-wearing junior could do very little in the wake of Akihiko's departure aside from raise one quizzical brow. The puzzle of his senior's agitation was enough to distract him from the first inklings of sound at the top of the staircase to his rear, but not enough to keep him away from its existence once it sharpened to loud, threatening _cracks_ of high heels hitting floor.

"_Iori!_"

The shout was loud enough to startle him into reaching for his Evoker, ending up in him whipping around to face Mitsuru with terrified eyes and an empty fist held dumbly about the side of his head. Her glare practically pulled the cold sweat from his tensed palms.

Slowly, as if any sudden movements would result in the abrupt end of his life, he began to lower his uselessly-raised hand. "…yes, Senpai?" ventured the teenager bravely.

"_Where_ is Akihiko?" Just as he opened his mouth to deliver his suggested response to this question, she viciously cut in, "_Don't_ tell me you haven't seen him, or I will make you _wish_ I had executed you." She could split an atom with the edge on that tone of hers, and sounded as if she was quite willing to wreak the same amount of destruction that would result from doing so if Junpei didn't answer her question post-haste.

"I don't know where he is," answered the younger Persona-user truthfully, and the further narrowing of Mitsuru's eyes told him that this was not the answer she wanted to hear.

"You'll come to regret your abysmal information-gathering abilities, then," she said in a voice just above a whisper (later, Junpei would realize the reduction in volume was to make him _listen_) before also storming off down the stairs, again with the slamming of the front door punctuating the action.

"Man," murmured Junpei, just in case anyone else was conveniently coming from either of the limited choices in hallway branches, "who put salt in the cereal this morning?" There had to be _some_ reason everyone was in such a bad mood, and their communal cereal box certainly seemed like the thing to sabotage if one of the squad members felt particularly vindictive over something.

He gave himself little time to linger on this question before beginning his venture to the kitchen, possibly to investigate the aforementioned breakfast food for any signs of tampering. It was there he found what seemed to be a very deserted room, and, upon further examination, perfectly innocent and untouched cereal. So he poured himself a bowl and seated himself at the table, as was the routine most mornings. What wasn't quite routine was his foot coming into contact with a lump when he motioned to stretch out his legs.

"Oh, sorry, Koromaru…" the junior spit out with haste to their MVP (Most Valuable Pooch), leaning out of his chair to peer under the table. "-? What the hell? Shinjiro-senpai?"

"Shut your trap," hissed the upperclassman preceding a cough stifled into the sleeve of his peacoat. "Damnit, I need to find a new hiding spot, she already busted the lock to my room…"

"Senpai, what the hell is going on? Why is everyone acting like they woke up with sticks up their asses?"

Shinjiro glared at him, but not the way Mitsuru glared at him. Shinjiro almost looked…piteous. Almost. Or maybe it was Junpei's imagination. "You're really that unobservant? How have you not gotten killed?"

He almost jumped to his own defense (and after the fact he'd realize retrospectively how _horrible_ an idea that was, this was _Shinjiro-senpai_ after all), but the air was separated, like cotton being pulled apart, by a saccharine voice singing its way straight to the dining room.

A breathy "shit" was all the warning Junpei had to straighten up and pretend like the resident badass wasn't quailing under the table with the fear of god in him before their leader danced her way into the vicinity. He turned all of his attention to his cereal, quickly becoming soggy from inattention, and almost spit out a mouthful of fruit-flavored rings onto the table when he felt a pair of arms slip around his neck.

"Junpei-kun~" The honeyed voice sang again, but this time it was his name, and…he'd never imagined that a hot girl singing his name would sound so _ominous._ "Have you seen Shinjiro-senpai today~?"

"Uh, sorry Minako, I haven't," he answered in the steadiest voice he could muster, hoping the shaking of the hand holding his spoon wasn't too obvious. "Hey, uh, I just remembered I have homework to do-" stupid, stupid, _stupid_ excuse, Junpei Iori didn't walk away from cute girls for _homework_, "-so I'll talk to you later, alright?"

To his immense surprise, relief, and guilt, the brunette trilled an "Alright then~!" and even took his still-full bowl to the sink. He bolted before he could see the aftermath of Minako inevitably discovering their upperclassman.

When he crossed into the front of the lounge, Junpei became aware of the sound of the television, which had most definitely not been on when he first came downstairs. When he hazarded a glance at it, he found much of the screen blocked by a familiar blonde head.

"Uh…Ai-chan?" Surely whatever was going on couldn't have affected _Aigis_, of all…not-people, considering. "What's up?" he tried, taking a few paces closer to their favorite android.

She didn't respond. Junpei noticed that she really was extremely close to the TV, the proximity that parents yelled at their kids for because it would wreck their eyesight. Not that Ai-chan had to worry about that (he assumed), but did she really _have_ to be that close? "Yo, Aigis. You off in La-La Land or something?"

"_What do you want._" That was a demand, no friendly upwards inflection to indicate a simple inquiry. It was enough to make Junpei reel, backpedaling away from Aigis like she'd just turned her guns on him. His hands were up, palms facing out in a placating gesture, or maybe it was reflex to allow him to block an assault more efficiently.

"Whoa, whoa, sorry! Dude, is something the matter?" This was just ridiculous. How many days were there until the full moon? Maybe everyone had turned into werewolves and just hadn't told him. And, come to think, he hadn't seen Koromaru at all today…so maybe he became a…werehuman. Or something like that. He was sure they existed in some culture in the world.

Aigis gave him a glare that she usually reserved for anything that threatened Minako's safety before returning her gaze to the brightly-flickering television set. "…Minako-san is acting strangely. Her vital signs indicate that there are irregularities in her system. Therefore, I am on the offensive in the case that it is a sabotage put in place for an ambush."

Well, that…made sense. Following Aigis-logic, at least, it did. "You sure nothing else is bothering you?" Being on the offensive didn't usually entail boring a hole into the TV screen, to Junpei's understanding.

The blonde girl hesitated with her answer before her chin sunk to rest on the knees of her synthetic folded-up legs. "…Minako-san is too busy with Shinjiro-san for me to adequately protect her." Despite the stiff quality to Aigis' voice, brought about by virtue of her being a robot, Junpei thought she sounded almost sulky with the way she stated that. Or maybe it was just his imagination again, adding onto Shinjiro-senpai's look of pity.

"Uh…I'm sure she'll find time for you, Ai-chan," the fleshier of the two consoled awkwardly. With his decision to turn away and exit the dorm in favor of Game Panic after that exchange, he missed the subtle tightening of Aigis' grip on her uniform skirt and the threatening insistence of "she better". Which was, perhaps, for the best. The human brain can only handle so much shock at once.

He only faintly allowed himself to wonder where exactly Ken was while on his way to the arcade. It was Sunday and Ken was, what, ten? He was pretty sure the kid didn't need a day planner and a secretary, but managing to run into everyone else in the dorm sans the dog and the runt was a little suspicious.

…whatever, he needed some video games.

Arriving at the mall was a normal affair. The academically-impaired junior relished the relocated sense of normalcy he drew from entering the building, with the busy city-goers buzzing about and the same fogeyish housewives gossiping by the fountains. Assured that nothing could possibly go wrong now, Junpei strutted towards Game Panic with an inexorable grin on his face, hands in his pockets and spirits soaring.

"Junpei!"

God_damnit._

"Yuka-tan?" balked the male Persona-user, whirling to where her voice had come from. He found the apple of Gekkoukan's collective eye soon enough, pretty in pink as always, but she had a look on her face that made her seem more like a midboss harpy monster than a desirable female specimen. She eyed him with scrutiny before presenting her back to him, placing a hand on her hip.

"Do these pants make my butt look big? I just bought them and the saleswoman said they looked fine, but I know they pay those soulless freaks to compliment customers so people will buy their stuff."

…was Yuka-tan _asking_ him to look at her butt? Never mind her uncharacteristically harsh words regarding the employees, Yukari would never in a million years volunteer her posterior to be evaluated by him, be it covered by pants, skirt, maid outfit, or nothing at all.

If there was one thing his good-for-nothing dad had said that Junpei couldn't help but recall at the moment, it was that if a woman asks you if her ass looks big, there is no correct answer. Ever.

Of course, as someone who didn't possess the eloquence of Japan's poets, or even a passing grade in Composition, Junpei could think of no fathomable way to get out of this trap. "No, you, uh- you look fine, Yuka-tan. Really!"

"Don't _lie_ to me!" Yukari snapped suddenly, like a tensed cord finally breaking. "God, you're just like every other man out there! You're _disgusting,_ why were you even looking at me in the first place? Ugh, I can't wait for the Y chromosome to finally shrink out of existence so we won't have to deal with you guys anymore! _Stupid!_" And she stormed out of the mall, her gaze bestowing fear and woe unto anyone who happened to be staring in the wake of the scene she had made.

It was at that moment that Junpei decided he had been right. It was clearly werewolves.

The cap-wearing young man returned leisurely in the evening, a spring in his step born from finally beating the high score of whoever that MAYA person was that always snatched the top spot; it was enough to make him able to push the Yukari ordeal from his mind, in fact, and being enough to make him forget _that _was definitely also enough to blur his awareness of his surroundings a little.

Unfortunately, the student's inattentiveness almost sent him headfirst into their leader, who, in sharp contrast to her alluringly sweet mood earlier in the morning, gave Mitsuru a run for her money when it came time to rank whose glare made him want to piss his pants the most.

"_Where_ have you been?" she shouted, voice ringing across the lounge. "I was _trying_ to call you, why were you ignoring me?"

Ignoring her? Junpei could never ignore Minako, in any way, shape, or form. Bros didn't do that. "I wasn't-!" His hands went to his pockets - first inside them, then outside, then they patted around. No phone. His eyes went comically wide (only then did he realize that the rest of SEES was present and deathly silent, scattered about the living area). "Shit, I must have left it in my room! I-I'm sorry, I didn't even-"

"_We're going to Tartarus,_" Minako interrupted, tone bordering on sharp enough to slit a throat. "And-" she suddenly turned on the rest of the squad, "-if _any_ of you pussy out, there will be _hell_ to pay, _all nine levels of it,_ do you understand me?"

The silence, heated and stifling from the rage of the other girls in the room, was enough of an answer.

There was no questioning that they went to Tartarus as soon as the Dark Hour descended.

"-Akihiko, get your ass over here, and if you don't put on the Jack Gloves-"

Minako barked out instructions to her SEESmates left and right; Junpei struggled with donning his selected armor for the night, having already received his orders. It wasn't until he tangled himself in his shorts and fell to the ground that the youngest member looked down at his pretzeled-up form, blinking those damn doe eyes of his.

"Junpei-san, are you alright?" he queried, small gloved hands straightening his tuxedo jacket.

"Yeah," grumbled the elder as he finally achieved victory over his shorts. "Say, where were you all day, little dude? Had a hot date or something?"

"Oh no, I was on a field trip with my class," Ken answered simply. "We went to a museum of medical history and learned about the human body."

"Sounds riveting," Junpei returned with a snort as he worked on straightening his flame-emblazoned vest.

"Actually, it was pretty interesting," the child corrected in a matter-of-fact tone. "Did you know that girls bleed for a week every month, Junpei-san? And yet they don't have to go to the hospital or anything?"

Of _course_ he knew that, he was in _high school_ for crying out loud- wait. "What did you just say?"

"Yes, it's called…um, what was it…?"

"I _know_ what it is!" Junpei's words had a newfound undertow of panic beneath them, raw, utter _desperation_ that the conclusion he'd been catapulted to was not the correct one. "But-"

"_Junpei!_"

Shit.

"Run, Ken," the doomed fire-user said in a low voice even as the circulation in his good hand was rapidly being cut off by Minako's vice grip on his wrist. "Just run."

No one questioned what became of Junpei, Akihiko, and Shinjiro in Tartarus that night.

* * *

><p><strong><span>AN:** de-anoning from the Persona 3 kink meme. the prompt was all the SEES girls' cycles being synchronized. AND THIS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN IS WHY I SHOULD NEVER TRY TO WRITE HUMOR HURHUR


End file.
